Am I  ‘sliding’ or ‘deciding’?

 It’s an important distinction to make. Maybe you think it makes sense rent-wise, or it’s the easiest way to see each other around your demanding work and social lives. These are valid reasons to move in, but you also need to examine, emotionally, what it means to both of you before you commit to the move.

Is it about convenience, or is the next step in your relationship? 

Are we ready?

This is different for every couple and, ultimately, it’s your decision. However, there are a few things you should probably think through first:

Am I ready to alter your private life?

Your private life, when you see your friends, how late you stay out, what and when you eat, even what you watch on Netflix, every habit I built for myself will need to be renegotiated. Thats a hard pill to swallow. 

Moving in won’t work if I carry on exactly as I been doing for so long, just by my partner sharing my bed. I am now making and sharing a ‘home’ with someone for the first time in a long long time, my actions will affect him and vice versa. It isn’t romantic, but i’ll need to discuss and decide what’s what before the move.

It sounds dramatic but the truth is my life’s no longer lived on its own, it’s lived with an impact on someone you love, “we are both giving up our private rights, and will need to renegotiate them. We need to be prepared for the relationship to control things and can’t just say ‘but I want to do this’ and thats just the way things work when you cohabitate.

Sounds scary, daunting, Not as lovely as you thought and less effortless as disney made it look but it’s important to think this through beforehand. If I’m not ready to share and compromise my lifestyle, then maybe I’m not ready to move in just yet.

What does moving in together mean for both of us?

You may think moving in is a great way to save on rent and get a without sounding too vulgar, more sex and that’s fine if my partner agrees. But what if he is thinking: ‘this is the next step towards marriage’? What if, after a certain amount of time, they’re assuming a proposal is on the cards? its key to make sure we are on the same page; otherwise you’re setting ourself up for a cohabital nightmare filled with unsubtle hints and passive-aggressive comments.

Most people cohabit before they get married,Therefore some people assume living together is a step towards a wedding and get confused if that doesn’t happen.

It’s a really hard conversation to have, but it’s important to discuss what moving in means in terms of your future. So, emotionally, you’re ready to share a bathroom. That’s great, but there’s a few more kinks you need to iron out first.

This is a big step, no matter your age, life experience and willingness to make things work, this is not going to be easy and it will require work and clear communication, this is not a decision to make lightly and there will be times where you worry if you are making the right decision and question if this is the right choice for you but being scared is normal and your feelings are valid. Independence is something you have worked your whole life for, you are in a position mentally where you can looking after yourself, you can provide for yourself and enjoy your own company and that is amazing and freeing, you don’t need to lose this sense of freeness by letting someone move into your space but you do have to learnt to adapt and the truth is, you are not alone in this, the person you are moving in with is probably feeling the same or similar feelings, there are two of you involved in this decision and the chances are you will both be nervous and scared but you’re also excited and optimistic. Change isn’t always bad but change is nearly always scary.